write
September
To who ever read that to new me
It’s my birthday and i’m 19 now and i’m broke i don’t celebrate it tho i wish i did
I drew my self and it was cool i love it
I drew my self again but not as me as society want no but more like how i see myself
I was thinking of drawing people will be much fun but i don’t think some one will love it tho
Sincerely,adamo
Birthday night
To whoever read this to new me
I just break up with my boy friend to be more specific he did
He was so nice I don’t wanna bad mouth him so beautiful so amazing and so gorgeous
Suddenly I want to forget about him the bad moments and the good moments we once had together. I’m sure that I can’t forget when everything reminds me of him
I do remember our first date first meet first hug how much I was happy the future I dreamed of
Is it sad? I don’t know
unexpectedly my whole world fall down and my hope gone forever
I don’t know it feels like a gift from God then like a punishment for something you don’t really remember
It feels like there is no meaning of life it isn’t like there were no meaning it’s just that I lost mine
Is it sad? Yeah
I remember how beautiful he were and how much ugly I’m feeling insecure about my body and promising my self that I shall not go out again hating on me and my look
I reread our whole conversation shall I found that promise you promise me to not let me
It was so real that I can’t cry it was so real that I ‘m sad
Is it sad? Very
Sincerely, adamo
September
Well guess what we donnt have school and i did go out with someone he said that i’m pretty wish i can see me pretty and he take pics
I talk with mom she said that i’m not a pretty girl if i keep wearing boyish clothes well i’m not a pretty girl cause i’m a man i really wanna tell her but i can’t
Elso i share a gay video and one membzr of my family saw it i’m scared
Sincerly, i don’t know yet
September
To whoever read this to new me
Hello again i didn’t have a wifi connecting those days it’s sad i know well i go to family meeting and it was terrify
Well the things is i can’t belive people they want to live for ever imagine the things is i’m devastated cause i live that long and i see people fighting to live i really wish to donate my life to someone
I got corona virus my head hurts me so badly i can’t eat or drink anything i did take the vaccin but it didn’t help
The school is starting soon i hate to go out to university i hate that i don’t wear the clothes i love actually i don’t have clothes at all
September
To whoever read that to new me
I didn’t write for a while now it’s already September i wasn’t able cause i didn’t have internet nor electricity i know shocking
My birthday are close and i got a lot to wish to be better look better study better have friends and a lover that is passion about me
I won’t write about the bad things that happen those days but the thing is i did take my vaccine -sirin- i pass out and been taking to the hospital mom said that if i were healthier that wouldn’t happen
In the way there a kid smile to me and been taking by his mom then mom said i look like a Scary shit that she isn’t proud to be mom
Sincerly,
i don’t know
August
It is hard to live it’s been a while since i avoid mirrors things getting worst and they are the school i’m a biology student i loves biology but that wasn’t the thing i want to do it was medicine what i sell my soul for yet i couldn’t since i fall in a great sadness
Any way i go to take my vaccine and had my mom with me i hated myself what i wear how i looked and every detail about me
I do indeed think about change every things i push myself hard but it wasn’t enough when they didn’t accept me in university mom tell me “it’s not like you have ever achieve anything before it was a big mistake to give u a life” just if she knows how hard i struggle it’s not like i blame herfor that i blame myself for not success
I’m sorry if i said something i should not i just don’t want to be depressed i really hate that and i really do apologise, thank you for read that till here
Sincerely,
I don’t rrally know who
August
I wake up this morning and had to go to take my vaccine they told us to be vaccinated by the end of August as they told us to stay home and never go out and i still can’t believe that there is a disease and we have to do things we haven’t.
I go out it’s been a while ago since I did and it feels nice -not really- there were a lot of people and how can I be around them me, I don’t know how people can be that courage to do so?
I ended up not vaccinated and my family treats me badly knowing that I hadn’t done anything for my fears and cursing me they thought that would work but they makes it worse,I wish that I can magically disappear or at least adapt with them I don’t want to be so depressed to be around but…
Sincerely, your friend I hope
August
To Who ever read this to new me
i wake up and wish i haven’t i did lay on bed for probably 15 mins cursing myself and the world for being around.Things goes as it always do i hate summer cause i can’t wear hoodies and cover myself hide -from what i donnt really now- but i can’t do nothing about it.I read a novel i don’t know why people there find the happy end or meaning to there pain cause i for me they are nothing to fight for and in my life they are a lot of sadness and sorrow much more than my heart can carry.
I saw peoples walking from my room’s window i envy them the energy they got to get out of there room to wear clothes – wish is another reason why i don’t go out- to fight life back to stand again to talkI avoid mirrors for more than 10 days now i hate to look at such a body what a shame it’s indeed the hardest part of a human life social media makes you hate your body you can’t be with the one you love what all sad noveles (such harmet call me by your name and never let me go) take there sadness and sorrow from they all being a part from each other
I’m young but yet i reaaallly wanna just go
Sincerely,adam
lovely butterfly 